Who am I?

Simple enough question. Right? Wrong.

Yesterday I had a class scheduled for 2:30pm. No one showed up. Here’s what went through my head. Well it may not have gone exactly like this minute for minute, but you get the idea.

2:20pm – I’ve got an awesome sequence planed. Can’t wait!

2:25pm – Why isn’t anyone here yet?

2:30pm – I guess no ones coming. I’ll stay a little while.

2:33pm – No one is coming. They must not have wanted to come.

2:35pm – I am not a good teacher.

2:36pm – I wish I could do the last day of teacher training over again. I must have lost something since then.

2:40pm – I am a horrible teacher. Why am I doing this?

2:45pm – Might as well just go home. I’m no good at this, I should just lay on the couch. Was there anything that I was ever good at?

Whoa!! Hold it right there. That was a lot of thinking in 25 minutes! Most of which could have been saved by looking out the window and realizing that it was a wonderful sunny Sunday afternoon, not the usual cloudy, rainy days we’ve been having. People probably were simply outside doing things, living their life, not worrying about loosing a few pounds of sweat. Sun was doing that for them!

Yet, in a matter of 25 minutes I went from a Yoga teacher ready to empower people, to a no-good-couch-sitting-person, who was never good at anything. Yikes. Not the transformation anyone hopes for.

Back to the title question. Who am I?

I am a certified Power Yoga Teacher that loves to laugh, have a good time, but usually comes across in class as quiet or bored.

Why do I add that last part? I read an article from one of my blog followers and fellow yoga teacher, Terra Kroll, entitled Yogini Stylin + Geeky Virgo Post-it Notes. She talks about what makes her different from other teachers, what makes her authentic, and unique.

While I have many influences, and people in the yoga community that I look up to, I am not the same as them. I am not expected to be the same as them. I have more tattoos than all of my influences combine, I am quieter in my day to day life than they probably are, my first passion was riding horses and that still sticks with me every day ( I can relate many things to horses without trying), my voice may be quiet, but my love for all color is far from quiet, my idea of fun is being outside with family and friends, not drinking at a bar at night. For those reasons and so many more, I am different in my own way.

So when I stand up in front of a class, or in yesterdays case, stand up to leave the empty room, I am my own unique person, I should not be trying to be one of my role models, or trying to be what I envision the “Perfect Yoga Teacher” to be.

I should just be me. If that means shavasana to “Let It Be”, if that means adding some fun into the sequence, if that means wearing neon blue pants and a orange striped shirt, so be it. The people in class will know I am being ‘me’ to the best of my ability and if I leave an empty room, I will not leave doubting myself. I will leave knowing that they just had other plans.



3 thoughts on “Who am I?

  1. Thanks, Ashley!
    Keep digging inside. You’ve got this. 😉

    Btw, I totally endorse neon blue pants + orange striped shirts!! ¡Viva la Lulu Revolución!

  2. The numbers in classes have dwindled here, too. Honestly, I took it personally the first time around. Even another fellow instructor. We both were exclaiming: Why don’t they like me??!!!

    We had a long winter last time and there’s talk we’ll get another long one coming up. To choose staying outdoors when you can actually feel the warmth of the sun, with friends and family, or even just by yourself….. it feels like a struggle for us, teachers… but it’s nothing personal. Really. Even in neon blue pants and an orange striped shirt. 😉

  3. Thanks for the support! I can completely understand wanting to stay outside in the sun. Around here it’s been nothing but rain, so to have the sun for an entire day, is worth skipping a yoga class!

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