My last day at the 40+ hour a week job was July 31st.
Work had been so stressful that I wasn’t enjoying it, I wasn’t enjoying life. Plenty of people I worked with, did love what they did there. For me, though, it wasn’t the right fit.
I woke up at 5am because I wanted to go to a yoga class before work. If I didn’t go then, I wouldn’t go at all, my back would hurt, and things would go downhill.
I was in the car heading off to work by 8:30 at the latest. My departure time kept getting closer and closer to 9:00am when I had to be there. Some mornings even with yoga, I dreaded going to work, finding little tasks around the house to stall just a bit longer.
By 10:00 the clock was moving at a snails pace and I was craving every snack from the vending machine. By 10:30 I had gotten something if I didn’t have cookies in my desk.
By lunch, I was relieved, 30 minutes spent away from the computer, usually outside. Even just 30 minutes outside in the sun is usually enough to energize me, but that was working less and less each day.
2:00 rolls around and I can hardly breathe. I stop what I’m doing to do a quick session of Ujjayi breathing. Yes, I sat at my desk doing this. I worked in the corner, and the AC sounded like a plane taking off, so no one could see or hear me.
By 4:00, I am so stressed that my hands are shaking and anyone who asks me to take a call, I say ‘no’ to. As I don’t want to yell at anyone, hang up on someone, or have a full blown panic attack.
As soon as 5:30 hits, I’m packed, clicking the Shut Down button on the computer and almost racing to the door.
You would think it ends there, but by this time, the stress and anxiety that has built up over the weeks and months, stays with me. I don’t play with the dog, I am short with my husband and have random burst of energy freaking out that the table is messy and there are shoes in front of the couch instead of behind it.
That is not a good way to live. The money I was making was not at all worth it. So now, 7 days away from the job, I have not felt anxiety or stress in that level. Sure I’m slightly stressed when the kitchen is a mess and I am trying to cook something that I have no idea how to cook, but it doesn’t linger, it just fades away, and I’m left with a [usually, not always] tasty meal.
That job may not have been the last time I will feel anxiety, stress, or a dislike of a job, leaving it was the right thing to do for me at that time. I am not an advocate of giving up something when it gets difficult, but sometimes there is a line between difficult, and not the right fit for you. Sometimes its good to know when to quit and when to stay and work things out.
Have you had to make a decision like this, one that may not have been an easy choice?